My fear asks you to love me.

Diving into intimacy with a partner can be a terrifying things. As we dive deeper, we discover every dragon, every inner fear, every wound that we ever had. Our partners are not therapists and so sometimes we implode. Sometimes we both implode.

Journeys in intimate relationships can be the most terrifying thing we will ever experience. Here we are, in love with someone, and our core wound keeps coming back from many disguises. And our partners have no idea what’s going on. One week it’s sadness that they seem less attentive. Another week they made a flippant comment that was a bit insensitive. Another week they may reveal a part of their core wound which interacts with yours. And all hell can break loose. What we sometimes don’t realise is that all along it’s the same wound. The original. The one you sustained as a child.

It comes up with your partner because they are on some level safe. Your body starts to relax and you lose the mask that you usually wear when with others. You share intimacy. You share vulnerable moments when you give yourself fully to your partner in moments of love-making, or other sexy acts. This breaks our walls down further. You share feelings, deep emotions about various things. And of course you share your love with each other. Allowing yourself to be seen, in love, in all it’s naive and innocent glory.

And as you do so, the dragons stir.

As they come out to play, you watch in horror. They see you in horror. This person that they’ve shared kind and caring moments with seems to have suddenly changed. You’re vulnerable and afraid. This is someone you love and they are seeing your darkness. They can leave you at any moment if they choose to. You have a choice yourself. Hold your head up high or run away in shame. You watch yourself react to something that you know you could deal with in peace. But you can’t. It’s hit your wound and years of unresolved trauma are flooding to the surface. And there’s nothing you can do about it. For now anyway.

You can begin self-reflection. Self-improvement. You can dig down through the layers and find that core wound. What is it telling you? Find it, and trace it back to everything it’s caused you to think and do which isn’t in alignment with how you want to be. Because how you want to be is going to be your guiding star. Create it, visualise it, and follow it diligently. Make worth of these moments by transforming yourself into a better person.

Get in touch with your heart. Ask it what it wants. What it believes is right for you. What it knows about your partner and all the things that were said. What it knows about you, and what’s really going on under the surface. Your heart is your ally and will not steer you wrong.

You may find a simple split between the two. The wound is full of fear, and is begging to be loved. Begging for reassurance, support, care. Screaming “Please don’t abandon me! Please don’t leave me and hence confirm to me that I am as awful as I think I am.” It is your heart, your own heart, that can comfort the wound. Seeking this from your partner is only a temporary solution. It boosts us for moments. But can leave us lost when we can’t get that reassurance on demand when we need it. It becomes a drug that you can’t score anymore.

So we turn to the heart. The heart just wants to love. You, your partner, everyone. We can let this love flow through us. Unhindered. Beautiful and radiant. Let it shine through all we are. Let it shine through the wound. Comfort it and reassure it that we are doing the best we can. We are loved. We are cherished. Just as we are. The wound isn’t who we are. Who we are is pure light that expands more than we will ever know. And we can share that light.

To all of those who are wounded. Let your heart love you, and each other.